Holland Has Tulips

Occasionally, I am asked, "What's it like to be the parent of a disabled child?" Honestly, it's really not that much different from parenting any child. We visit a few more medical specialists than most parents probably do, and we're still working on the potty-training, but being a parent is being a parent. I think we all just take a deep breath and dive on into the task and hope we come out all right when we're finished.

There are times, though, when I feel the heartache and frustration that comes with having a child with a disability. The heartache may be more for Annie and the frustration more for me, but I'm not sure. And sometimes I feel a little unsure of myself, and maybe even a little alone. Today I received a much-needed reminder in the mail. We received a newsletter from our 9-P Minus group and decorating the margin on the third page was a small black and white photo of a simple tulip: underneath were the words, "Holland has tulips." Read this essay and I think you'll understand why those three words mean so much to me.

Welcome To Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

by Emily Perl Kingsley

Sometimes I forget and need the gentle reminder that Holland has tulips.